How a Military Family is Battling the Child Care Crisis
Hey! How would you like us to introduce you to our Mirza community?
Hello! I’m Tara, active duty military member and mom of two 👋
Could you tell us what you were using for child care before COVID and why you chose that solution?
Picking a childcare option is extremely difficult. Finding a place that you feel comfortable with as a parent, one that works alongside your work schedule, and one that is within your budget is hard! As first time parents with our son, my husband and I went with a CDC (Child Development Center) that is typically on a military installation. For us, we were stationed in Detroit and we used the Detroit Arsenal CDC. The policies and procedures seemed to be great (again, first time parent so I was naive and didn’t know exactly what I should be looking for/what I was comfortable with because I had never done this before!). The schedule was great for our work schedules, the cost was already cut down, and we didn’t have to do extra paperwork with the Child Care Subsidy Program (at the time offered by the USDA). We could not have been more wrong!
What was your family’s experience like with the CDC?
My son was enrolled at 3 months old. First thing, we had to go on a waiting list. Daycare is in such high demand that availability (even at a CDC servicing military members) is not always guaranteed! In order to get our son a spot, we ended up paying an extra month because they talked us into “you better start now (when my son was only two months old and I was still on maternity leave) because we don’t know if a spot will be available in a month” so we paid for a month of childcare that we didn’t use - about $1200 just to assure us that our son would be covered by the time I returned to work.
Then, my son started developing rashes and skin irritation all over his body. As a concerned parent, I took him to the pediatrician and it was determined that my son was having a bad skin reaction to the cleaning products that were used at the CDC, specifically bleach. When I brought this to the CDC’s attention, they were not willing to switch out certain products to accommodate my son. I had to purchase disposable crib linings and pad linings to be used as single use only for my son. We drafted up instructions and took time out of work to go over procedures to accommodate my son.. Those procedures were not followed at all, even resulting in one day where my son had a chemical burn (from bleach) on his back and his clothes were stained by bleach! This was extremely alarming and I brought it to the CDC’s attention and the board to ensure that my son’s safety was priority. The result was that they excluded my son from daily activities and play time. He was essentially strapped into a bouncer or a chair in isolation other than feeding time. Which brought me to my last straw. One day, or I should say his last day, at the CDC was when one of the caregivers fed my son someone else’s breast milk and zero protocol was followed. They could not tell me whose breast milk it was so I did not know what my son had ingested. Not to mention, they had a very strict policy for parents to follow in regards to labelling bottles and color coordinating everything, which I made sure to follow very closely! I notified CDC and Coast Guard Legal and an investigation began to determine the safety and wellbeing of children at that facility. I removed my son immediately, paid the rest of the month, and will now never go back to a CDC.
This put a great logistic and financial hardship on my family, and we had to take time out of work to find an alternative. Thankfully, one of our fellow Coastie’s told us about in-home daycare, where a licensed provider has a daycare in their home. At first I was extremely hesitant but after interviewing many candidates, we found a match! We were only in Detroit for another year but we found such a great daycare and our son was so happy.
Whew! We’re so glad to hear that you found a suitable child care solution after such a terrible experience at the CDC. What were the benefits of in-home daycare?
The benefit to in-home daycare versus a larger facility daycare like a CDC is that, if licensed by the state, there is a limit to how many children can be at the daycare. For our son, he was 1 of 4 children, as opposed to 1 of 20 at the CDC. So there was more focus and attention on my child and I knew he was not being neglected. They also are extremely flexible with work hours as well as procedures that best fit your child (like bringing our own hand soap and cleaning products that would not irritate his skin).
When we transferred to Boston we found another great fit with an in-home daycare program. Another benefit for us is that we can use the Childcare Subsidy Program (NAVY) to assist with costs if the provider is licensed.
How did you feel when your daycare facility closed due to lockdown?
COVID has been an extremely challenging time for everyone and has forced parents to improvise on many levels. For us, our facility closed when the state of Massachusetts closed. My husband is currently deployed at Diver Training and we just had our second child in March, so not only am I learning how to adapt to life with two kids, I am also learning how to do it as a full-time active duty military member during a global pandemic - alone! So, it’s been extremely challenging but rewarding at the same time. I have to take the punches as they come!
How have you managed to balance child care with work? How has your employer supported you?
Since daycare is closed, my Command has been extremely understanding and supportive of giving me a workstation to work from home most days. I am still required to go onto Base and fulfil duties and responsibilities on certain days, but my Command has been wonderful in addressing my hardship and giving me the opportunity to work from home. On the days that I need to go to Base, I drive down to Rhode Island (1.5 - 2 hour drive one way) to drop my kids off with family, who have been more than exceptional in helping me out during this time.
What are the options you’re considering right now?
I am now going through a transfer in which my husband and I will be relocated to Virginia (just lay it on me 2020, I can take it!) and my Command there requires me to have daycare and to be working on Base. We are not authorized to take leave to look at daycares or interview in-person so everything must be done virtually. My husband and I have zero area familiarization so we are relying on the advice of our friends to guide us - they are even willing to go check out daycares in person for us and we are very grateful! We will be looking for an in-home daycare, but again, availability is difficult during a pandemic. We have been looking into hiring a nanny that would come to our home. However, the cost is more than our rent!
I have even been looking at a temporary separation from the Coast Guard for Care of Newborn Children program. I do not want to separate, however, due to COVID, they want to transfer me before my husband. This means I would be moving alone with two babies and a blind dog (she’s perfect BTW) during a pandemic and finding a new place to live. Add finding daycare on top of that. A temporary separation is not guaranteed, and I am hesitant to become unemployed during a pandemic. So my options are limited and not great but again, I have to take the punches as they come and my priority will always be the safety and wellbeing of my children.
What lessons have you learnt from this extremely difficult period of time?
Nursing my second child in itself is a full-time job, so it has been quite the balancing act. COVID definitely has tested our patience at times, but the important part is that my children are safe, healthy, and happy. I will say that through all of this craziness, the silver lining is the family time. I am able to be a full-time Coastie, full-time daycare, and full-time mom. The days are not easy but I know I will look back on this time and know I did my best to provide for my kids and made some memories that I wouldn’t have if they were in daycare.
Thank you so much for taking the time to sit down with us! Is there anything else you would like to share?
Post-COVID does not even seem like a reality. We are living in unprecedented times and there are so many issues that need to be addressed, but childcare is a big one! Childcare is essential and is needed for the workforce because the truth is, most families are working families. Most parents are working parents!
I was a part of a women’s retention study that was conducted throughout the Coast Guard because women were leaving the service at a much higher rate than men. One of the leading reasons was due to family. The service tends to put hardship on families, and the result is women leave to take care of their family. The Coast Guard started to recognize that and wanted to make changes and since then, new policies have been implemented to address some of the issues (yay Coast Guard!). However, due to COVID, I fear more women (especially ones in positions similar to mine) are choosing to leave work due to childcare issues. I feel as we finally began to take one step forward on addressing women's issues, we are now taking two steps back due to COVID. Only time will tell, but in the meantime, I hope to raise awareness and provide my help to other parents. We can do this - it literally takes a village!
